Why is the sea so strong? It has a lot of mussels.

When Miley Cyrus licks a sledgehammer, it’s called “art” and “music. When I do it, I’m “drunk” and “have to leave Home Depot”.

Mom: I called you bc I was watching a TV show & thought of you! Me: Ya? What show? My Mom (laughing): A show about Aliens! Very funny Mom!

Why shouldn’t you lend a anthropologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.

People in Dubai don’t like The Flintstones. But people in ABU DHABI DO!

My friend told he she thought she looked fat and needed a compliment I told her she had perfect eyesight

Salary is like a period you wait for it a whole month and it ends in a week.

Two Mexicans What do you call two Mexicans in the back of a fire truck? Jose and Hose B

Will Smith joke How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for fresh prince…

Damn girl, can I get all up in that? I’m sorry, where are my manners. MAY I get all up in that?