Why do fat girls give great head? Because they have to

Arrghh! I’m so bummed! I finally got laid off

Just lasted over an hour in bed… Thank you day light savings

Ive always wanted to be an artist. I draw and paint everyday. But im already 25 so im going to do what bruce jenner did and wait 40 years until im nearly dead.

A cop that contemplates his existence: Philofficer

I bought zombie insurance recently it was a no brainer

I love being excluded from things Should have got a green card

Yeah, but is it Tyrannosauri Rex or Tyrannosaurus Rexes? *The Jehovahs Witness slams my own door in my face

I give in to peer pressure My friends went on a diet, so I joined in to try to fit in.

I never realized how overweight my thumbs were until I tried typing on an iPhone.