What is the needless meat to a vagina? The woman!

When asked which is more important looks or brains? 9 out of 10 zombies said “braaaaiiiiinnnnssss” number 10 ate the researcher.

Ok so I met this one guy who told me he lived in Paris. To make a long story short, he lived in Paris TX.

What do you call a fake Irish diamond? A shamrock.

What is the difference between a Peeping Tom and a burglar? A burglar snatches watches.

Rules to live by: 1. Be kind to strangers 2. Don’t cheat on your taxes 3. Everything in moderation 4. Bury the body at sea

Hey, have you heard of that new movie, “Constipation”? Yeah…it hasn’t come out yet.

Yo mama so fat… She models for the atlas

What a gorgeous day to walk around outside staring at my phone.

When I learned what calculators did, I immediately cleared the “math” part of my brain to make room for more movie quotes.