Why did the prison board decide to build the new prison out of concrete? The old one was made of steal.

How can we be sure the government wasn’t involved in the Kennedy assassination? Well he’s dead, isn’t he? (Adapted from Neil Gaiman’s *American Gods*)

Why are there separate book donation boxes for Nigeria, Ghana, AND Zambia outside the bookstore? Am I supposed to pick my favorite?

It’s not a “junk drawer,” it’s a free-spirited drawer without expectations or limits.

Staying at my daughter’s place again this weekend. Can’t wait till 3am so I can wake her to tell her there’s a moth in my room.

The one huge advantage of being dumb … you never overthink things.

What’s Jared’s favorite ingredient for his Subway sandwiches? Extra virgin oil

So, a cheerleader walks into a Starbucks… and shouts, “gimme a tea!”

What’s the difference between a rooster and your mom? A rooster says, “cockadoodledoo”. Your mom says, “anycockwilldoo”.

Apparently for every $1 a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents. That’s not fair. Why is the man only left with 30? Credit to Bo Burnham.