Why your mother had you Your mother did not get an abortion when she found out she was pregnant with you because she wanted you, but because the abortion cost more then keeping you alive.

So a black man walks into a store and bought 5 items. April fools, he stole them.

Yo mama’s so fat, she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

Which whale makes the best sexual partner? One that will humpback!

Hits rock bottom. *adds Geologist to resume

[NSFW] Why don’t vegetarian girls moan during sex? Because they don’t like to admit that a piece of meat can give them so much pleasure.

People who leave voicemails are probably the same people who will wait in line to have someone bag their stuff when self-checkout is free.

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Get in the Batmobile.

In this sentence, their are exactly three errorrs.

My friends think I have a drinking problem… So I told them “no, I actually think I drink quite well”