whats the difference between Congress and a condom? You can only fit one dick in a condom.

“Serving size: half sandwich.” Really, ice-cream sandwich manufacturers? I know what you’re doing. And I don’t like it.

If a person with down’s gets high Do they become a normal person?

What do you call a religious cow in the Middle East? A Moooooslim!!

I was going to post that I’m in Nebraska but Foursquare didn’t have the location “Someone shoot me in the face” listed.

In my day cartoons made sense. Chipmunks did all the rescue rangering and a rich duck swam in gold coins like they were water

Did you hear about the COW that got a promotion? She was out standing in her field. **Edited for political correctness.

When Chumlee gets out of prison he should do a show with Jared from Subway. They should call it… Child Pawn.

Grand Theft Auto reminds me of Florida. Except one lets you shoot people without consequence and the other is a video game.

When is Dennis Rodman going to realize that he will be executed as soon as the North Korean basketball team he is training loses their first game.