In my youth, there was no “snapschapts”. If you liked a young lady, you’d draw a proper picture of your genitals and send it to her parents.

Did you hear about the Irish paper boy? He blew away.

What did Mario say when he found out he got drunk and had sex with a green mushroom? “Well, I fucked that one up.”

How did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank his coffee before it was cool.

[grocery store] dad to his crying baby: shhh stop crying [baby keeps crying] me: wow, your baby does not listen

april fools joke: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine

Doctor doctor I keep thinking I’m a slice of bread. Doctor: You’ve got to stop loafing around.

What’s the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo? A Hippo is heavy and a Zippo is a little lighter.

Where do geneticists store vegetables? In the CRISPR drawer

What do you call someone who puts a picture of themselves in a locket? Independent