What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? Kanye

Is that a gun in your pocket or are you happy to see me? Both! Now get in the fucking van.

What is the Sun’s favorite type of music? Sol.

I found a spider in my protein powder today I politely asked him to get out of my whey.

If I like my job am I a “gruntled” employee??

What does a horny frog say? Rubbit. Stole this from a friend.

What sound does an Italian American microwave make? Bada bing!

A Mexican Magician… A Mexican magician says he will dissappear on the count of three. Uno… Dos… *poof* He’s disappeared… Without a tres.

[school] Ok class, what was Abraham Lincoln most famous for doing? Billy? “Abolishing slavery.” And… “Slaying vampires.” Very good.

You can learn a lot about a man based on how he responds to a bird pooping on him. Also background checks and digging thru his trash.