What’s the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated owl? One shoots and shoots but can’t hit, and the other…

Sometimes I wake up feeling like I figured something out, only to realize it was gibberish. My latest invention was ladders on airplanes.

A man wanks into a bar… …and the bartender says “We don’t serve your typo here”

That awkward moment when someone is washing dishes and you slowly put your glass in the sink.

Which Sri Lankan do Star Wars fans like? May Theforcebewithyou.

Some people wonder why Arnold Schwarzenegger hasn’t run for President… It’s only because he’s Austrian. And we all know what happened last time an Austrian came to power…

What do you call a prostitute with cum on her face? A Taxi, Her jobs done.

Sunday is the only day of the week I can say, “I’ll do it in a minute,” never do it, and not feel guilty.

I’m always a little suspicious of women who say that they don’t “remember things”

Why is a giraffes neck so long? Because the head is so high up.