once i saw a horse standing next to a car and when someone remote unlocked the car, the horse got spooked and kicked in the passenger door.

“What happens to germaphobes?” They wash their hands so often, they dry out and people assume they have AIDS.

How do you know it’s time to clean up your room? When the wifi signal doesn’t come through.

Good names Barry McCockinner Ben Dover Eileen Dover Dr. Hugh G. Rection Give me other ones

How many ADHD children does it take to change a lightbulb? Lets go ride our bikes

*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate…

How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate pizza before it was cool

My wife said she would leave me if I didn’t stop using Monkee’s song references. I thought she was joking. Then I saw her face…

What’s green and has wheels? The grass. I lied about the wheels.

What do you call smutty pictures of birds? Pornithography.