If I were Obama, I’d totally lead with “My fellow Americans, the situation looks popeless.” #SOTU

Imagine if American Waitresses didn’t get a wage, but instead had to make do with.. Just the tip!

What do you call a guy with no body and no nose? Nobody knows

Did you hear about the Barcelona football star who got busted for tax evasion? They said his tax returns were Messi.

Joke from my jazz history class: You are stuck on an island with Hitler, Stalin, and Kenny G. You have a gun, but you only have two bullets. What do you do? You shoot Kenny G. Twice.

5-year-old daughter: *looks in the mirror* Can you get me something to match my cowboy boots? Me: What? 5-year-old: A horse.

What material do african blacksmiths use the most? Steel.

What do you call an Ethiopian squatting to take a shit? A bragging son of of a bitch.

A man was arrested for taking drugs in the UAE He got stoned…

Little boy to airline pilot: “You’re a pilot?!?!? That must be exciting.” Pilot: “Not if I do it right.”