What does the grim reaper and a pedophile have in common? They both take people before their time.

I married a Chinese millionaire….. ….Ka Ching.

Hellen Keller was the first person to go to Disney land. Don’t worry, she didn’t know it either.

“I’ll have a cheeseburger with a large coke,” The blonde girl requested. “Excuse me miss, this is a library.” ^^”I’ll ^^have ^^a ^^cheeseburger ^^with ^^a ^^large ^^coke,” she whispered.

Knock, Knock. Who’s there? To To Who? Um, it’s ‘to whom’.

What do you the balcony seats at the theater? The Wilkes Booth.

if a cop pulls u over play dead

I got mugged yesterday… The mugger said, “Give me your money or you’re science.” I said, “Don’t you mean history?” He said, “Don’t try and change the subject.”

What’s the difference between a bucket of sand and a bucket of afterbirth? You can’t gargle with the sand.

Sorry I’m late, I was staring at a picture of the Ninja Turtles for an hour trying to figure out why they always wear belts with no pants.