I removed my windshield wipers and now I don’t get parking tickets. Suck it.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile I replied “Shut your mouth you fat cunt”

Chuck Norris’ Roundhouse kick is so powerful, that on the set of Sidekicks he single-footedly destroyed Jonathan Brandis’ Career.

What do women in the Middle East and Millennials have in common? If they go to college, they’ll probably get stoned.

Women age like fine wine… In my basement

Every female knows that one annoying boy who constantly asks “So when we gonna chill?”

If you watch The Blindside backwards, Sandra Bullock becomes so disappointed in her black son that she abandons him on the side of the road.

Student: I want a bunny, but my dad says bunnies just die. Me: So? You’re going to die, and he had you.

Oh God. Yes. This is so good. I love it so much I’m having a sarcasm.

What starts with e, ends with e, and has one letter in it? An envelope.