Grilled cheese is just regular cheese that’s been forced to account for its whereabouts last night between 9:30 and 11.

Where do ninjas come from? Out of nowhere!

What’s big, white and goes down on you in the middle of the night? An Airbus A320.

What was post office worker’s sexuality She was attracted to mails

Red. My least favorite urine color.

To the person who just mass messaged me that heart felt “Merry Christmas” text, I thought you should know everyone says “Thanks”. ..All 115 of them.

Officer- I’m giving you a ticket for your speed Me- That’s heroin Officer-… Me- Want some? Officer-… Me- Oooh, shiny handcuffs

What’s the difference between a chicken drumstick and a penis? If you answered “I don’t know”? Then would you like to go for a picnic?

So a giraffe walks into a bar… and says, “High balls, on me!”

What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can’t understand.