A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. She says, “Show me it’s true what they say about black men.” So he stabs her and steals her purse.

Used to be I got stoned a lot, people called me a stoner. But now I’m older and my kid brother wants to get baked all the time. So what do I call him?

John Wilkes Booth is one of history’s greatest stand-up comedians I heard he really killed at Ford’s Theatre.

Did you hear about the dumb father who returned from lunch and saw a sign on his door “Back in 30 minutes” so he sat down to wait for himself?

Drunk girls shouldn’t even be allowed to have phones.

Why are women such bad drivers? Because there is no road between the bedroom and the bathroom.

[Racist Joke] What does a black men and the Terminator have in common? One says “Hasta la vista baby!!” and the other one says “Hasta la vista son”

If I had a gun and 2 bullets and I was alone in a room with you, Hitler, and Stalin, I’d look at you like how the fuck did we get in this situation.

I have just invented a perfume made from holy water Eau my god

my chemistry always told me “if you’re not part of the solution….. then you’re part of the precipitate”