Who won the animal race? The giraffe and the aardvark were running neck and neck but the aardvark won by a nose!

Three men of different ethnicities walk into a bar. The first two say something smart. The third completely embarrasses his countrymen by saying something stupid.

IOC Drops Wrestling From 2020 Olympics Countless people are stunned by this takedown.

So I met this gorgeous girl… …and I was sucking her cock last night when I thought to myself “Hey, wait a minute!”

Why don’t blind people skydive? It scares the shit out of the dog.

Your Google Self-Driving car should be taken away if you don’t let your dog sit in the driver’s seat while you hold a map riding shotgun.

My five year plan? I don’t even have a five minute plan.

Let’s all smash our hands together repeatedly to indicate that we enjoyed that thing.

“There’s no ‘1’ in ‘ team.’” – guy who wrote “Se7en”

I think my favorite sexual organ is the one in the Milan Cathedral because that is the only organ I’ve actually had sex with.