I read the following headline in the paper today: “Woman Beats Off Attacker”

Of course I can keep a secret, It’s the people I tell it to that can’t.

This joke is brought to you by Arnold Schwarzeneggers one-sided chess set. “I’ll be black”

9/11 jokes aren’t funny. My uncle died on one of the planes. His last words were ALLAHHHU AKBARR!

Did you hear about the woman who had her left side cut off? She was alright.

Have you seen the Australian version of Breaking bad? He get’s cancer and Medicare covers his costs and the series ends.

How do you make both God and Satan angry at you? You rape Satan’s wife.

Do you know the 20th President of the United States ? No we were never introduced !

Vegetarian Club I met a girl that said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but i had never met herbivore.

The Catholic Church is selling bath bombs! *puts Jesus Christ limited edition bath bomb into water* *water turns into wine* Thank u Jesus