A tombstone that has a scrolling LED marquee of your greatest tweets.

A hobbyist metalsmith was arrested for displaying his handmade pennies in public. What was he charged with? Indie-cent exposure.

What happens in BSDM when you fuck the wrong person? Oops, wrong sub.

Leprecauns and gay guys must end up at the same places a lot.

What is a ducks favourite drug? quack

Fake is the new trend and some of my friends seem to be in style!

*reads menu for reasonable amount of time “I’ll take the food.”

When buying baked goods I always ask myself, “are you prepared to eat this in the parking lot?”

What does an electrician say when he’s confused? Watt?!

Every day I see my baby nephew, I lift him up repeatedly and say “whee.” French is a tough language to learn. I want him to get a head start. 🙂