How many apples grow on a tree? ALL OF THEM!!

Me and the wife had a argument about what desserts to have, it turned into a custardy battle.

What did the Jew say to the homeless man? Could you spare some change?

I tried committing suicide today Not going to do that again almost killed myself

Does anyone have the number of a painter/decorator? I really need to get all my windows jammed so they never open again.

What do you call cows with 2 legs? Lean beef. bonus: What do you call cows with no legs? Ground beef.

I’m from the 80’s. We ate cookies instead of deleting them.

[NSFW] Look on the bright side My hooker died during sex… Next hour is for free

Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don’t know what they want until they see it.

Sea turtles happened when god got stoned one night and wondered what would happen if a frisbee was a lizard.