Two peanuts were walking down the street, one was a salted.

Why would you put a baby in a blender feet first? So you can make dinner and get head at the same time.

Did you hear they had to shutdown Japan’s first virtual reality porn exhibition? Too many people came.

INTERVIEWER: this says u work well with otters. Did u mean others? ME (shoving a romp of otters back into my briefcase): haha yeah of course

whats the difference between my sex life and racism racism actually exists

I was going to tell a time travel joke… but you didn’t like it.

How can you tell an Italian witch from an English one ? By her suntan !

Today I was walking down the street today and a guy threw a slice of cheese at me. That’s mature.

I guess he’s going back to “the artist formerly known as prince” too soon?

Do people who criticize the presidents daughter for smoking pot forget that the last Republican vice president shot his friend in the face.