BEN CARSON: On the news I saw a portal to another dimension open & robots came out, we need to stop that MODERATOR:That was The Avengers sir

A man walks into a bar and says… OUCH!

I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker But when I got home, all the signs were there.

My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.

Dark humor is like a terrorist attack… the timing needs to be just right.

I organised a 3 some last night. There were a couple of no shows but I still had a good time.

Bought a new vacuum cleaner.. ..it sucks more than my old one

What do you get if you cross a vampire and a circus entertainer ? Something that goes straight for the juggler !

What is the opposite of a misogynist? That little pussy, Brian. Always talking about his feeling and shit like a little bitch. Fucking grow a pair, dude.

What’s the worst part of locking your keys in the car at an abortion clinic? Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.