If a feminist has 15 cupcakes And she eats 13 of them, why is she wearing leggins?

How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw plastic forks at her.

In a car it’s illegal to not wear a seatbelt. But I guess if you’re on a bus they figure death will be a sweet relief.

I’ll be coming into some money When Katy Perry gets on the dollar bill

What do you get when you drop a Piano on an army base? A flat major.

GOOD COP: cover me! DAD COP: *tucks him in* snug as a bug

What did the accountant with constipation do? He worked is out with a pencil.

Linguistics Student: “What’s a glottal fricative?” “*Heavy sigh*”

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, but he has a 12 inch cock? Partially handicapped.

What do you call a dedicated but untalented gymnast? A working stiff