I bet everyone in Gotham prisons really hates the guy that killed Bruce Wayne’s parents.

Did you hear about the woman banned from Disney World? She kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face and screaming, “Lie to me, Pinocchio! Lie to me!”

If a parsley farmer is sued… can they garnish his wages?

How many ISIS mercenaries does it take to change a light bulb? None stupid crusader, that’s a job for the hostages!

I have no problem with Capital Punishment in theory…. I just have problems with its execution.

My life coach just asked me leave because apparently she has “other pedicures to do” and doesn’t “speak English”.

God: Women will bleed for a week. Universe: What will men do for pleasure at that time? God: *sigh* Fine. Mouths. But they’ll talk. A lot.

Did you hear Donald Trump wants to ban pre-shredded cheese? Apparently a bunch of immigrants work in the Kraft factory.

Jesus and Mary will occasionally appear on toast, or pancake, or waffles. Always breakfast foods. Why? Because it’s the most important meal.

They agreed upon ‘almond milk’ when the original name flavoured nut water was rejected by test audiences, for whatever reason…