A man goes into a bakery and asks for 99 loaves of bread… “Why not make it a 100 loaves?” asks the baker, to which the man responds “who the fuck eats that much bread?!”.

What happened when the husband tried to deep fry his wife? She went to the battered women’s shelter

Gandalf was an alien. It’s right there in his name: Gandalf the GREY. Wake up, sheeple!

You guys ever seen a cockatoo? Yeah? I bet you have.

I was trying to have sex with my wife on Thanksgiving But she was too busy making dinner, Turkey shot down my jet

Why was the Doctor screaming angrily at his secretary? He ran out of patients.

I have the attention span of a gold fish It’s been staring at me for several minutes now.

If Trump wins I’m leaving the country if Clinton wins I’m leaving the country Not a political post, I’m just a pilot so I always travel

What’s the difference between being horny and being hungry? Where you put the cucumber

I’m having problems with favstar. Can all of you trophy me to see if it’s working right now? Thanks.