Why are people so surprised that Joe Biden acts like such a poonhound? It’s in his job description. After all, he *is* the Vice President.

Why do Pakistanis love football (soccer) so much? … Because whenever they get a corner they open a 7/11. PS: I’m Pakistani and I found this joke to be hilarious.

What, I’m Asian? *slides off Uggs & infinity scarf inside Starbucks* *buys a bonsai tree*

Why do blind people walk their dogs so much?

Yesterday, I was told to “check your privilege.” I did. It’s still there.

How do you get a hippie off your door step? Pay for the pizza and close the door.

Mondays aren’t so bad if you force yourself to have a terrible weekend.

What do you call a vegan who cheats on their diet with human flesh? A humanitarian

I wanna thank my mom for not aborting me and my dad for buying cheap condoms. Love you guys

Angelina Jolie needs to take some time off her busy schedule of feeding the hungry and poor in third world countries and feed herself for a change.