What did the limestone say to the geologist? Don’t take me for granite!

Password insecurity questions: 1. What was your highschool nickname? 2. How would you describe your breath? 3. What’s wrong with your toes?

She told me to go deeper…. But I was all out of poems.

What’s the difference between and epileptic oyster shucker and a hooker with dysentery? One shucks between fits and the other, well…

This kid who wants ‘two front teeth’ for Christmas is full of shit.

How to be funny [OC] How to be funny: 1) Why 2) Was 3) Six 4) Afraid 5) Of 6) Seven 7) 8) 9)

u don’t need dangerous marijuana pot get high on life -ride a bike -read a good book -make a sacrifice to the dark lord -watch a sunset

I thought up a color that doesn’t exist… It’s just a pigment of my imagination.

What’s green and smells like bacon? Kermit’s finger

What does the L in Samuel L Jackson stand for? Motherfucker