What is a drug addicts favorite snack? Crack-ers

Hope to get down to a weight where people don’t think I have an opinion on movies.

SCIENCE!!! Hey reddit, are you a 10 on the pH scale? Because you’re pretty basic. ^^^^^jk ^^^^^dont ^^^^^kill ^^^^^me

I don’t believe in anything I can’t see, hear or touch, like calories. My thighs, however, are clearly very gullible.

I’m suffering from bad breath You should do something about it! I did. I just sent my wife to the dentist.

People who tweet about politics should have to pass a small test: if i say “Oh, look, a dead bird,” and you look UP, we take your phone away

How do you describe the life of a redditor? [removed]

Bill Cosby and Ben Roethlisberger walk into a bar… I don’t remember what happened next.

totally original joke/first post: What do you get when you play a Frank Sinatra record at twice the speed? “Shrank Sinatra”

Doctor: I’m sorry to say but you have cancer and Alzheimer’s. Patient: Well at least I don’t have cancer. – Jackie Martling