I really like some metamorphic rocks… They’re the schist!

Why do sharks circle their prey? “dad, why do the sharks swim in circles like that before they eat someone?” “it makes them taste better, son.” “taste better? How? ” “it scares the shit out of them.”

My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex But my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.

My girlfriend said I have a good looking penis She said it was impeckerable

Was going to make a joke about my paycheck… Turns out I have insufficient puns

A good way to break up with a girl gently is to curtsy when youre meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.

The older I get, the better I was.

Boss: Good suggestions at the staff meeting today, Bill. Me: I talk in my sleep?

Two snare drums and a hi-hat fall off a cliff. Bu dum tiss

Happy Fourth of July. May your emails be gathered and your drones fly forever free!