Things Ted Cruz and I have in common: 1. Love butter 2. Shy eyes 3. Resurrected from the grave during satanic bloodmoon ritual 4. Brown hair

Humans are like grapes… Grapes are green or purple, and a human has colors too. A grape is picked, and eaten by a human. Then we die of old age. I’m not good with metaphors.

What do you call a camera mounted on a ISIS-truck? a daeshcam

Do her by the ocean. Beaches love crabs.

Did you hear about the brain implant that can fix stupid? It’s called a bullet.

What does a parrot named Larry talk about? Vocabulary

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? a carrot…

So I realized that there is no difference between races. At the end of the day we are all cummin the same color, white.

(OC) What’s the dirtiest part of a Jedi? The Forceskin.

Why didn’t Hannibal Lecter have any friends as a kid? He was told not to play with his food.