What do you call a display of Australian patriotism? Stockholm Syndrome.

What’s the worst thing about suicide bombers? They’re not organ donors.

I heard that there was no plane be shot down in Constantinople Because there was no Turkey

Whenever I’m watching paint dry I like to listen to James Bay … Just to really complete the experience

If I go into a stall and see a solitary, intact lima bean in the bowl, I pick a new stall. I don’t want what you’re selling, lima bean bowl!

What does Tim Cook do when he’s home alone at night? Jack off

The worst part of Aquaman’s day is when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.

First white Muslims in Boston, now a 7’0″ gay black pro athlete. Narrow-minded conservatives everywhere are having a very confusing month.

Why shouldn’t you ever have an argument with Mobius? Because they’re always so one sided!

Drugs are a crazy thing What did jerry Garcia say to Bob weir when they ran out of drugs? Man this music sucks!