I found a way to make all this gender identity stuff work for me. My right hand will now identify as female. Now I won’t have to be sad every time I masturbate.

Why did the painting go to jail? It was framed.

Believe me if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows!

Did you hear about the gay midget? He came out of the cabinet.

“Space heater” is a pretty ambitious name. How about “shin warmer?”

I was about to do a mexican joke… but that’s crossing the line.

Muslim book store in New York: A man asks if they have the latest Donald Trump book on immigration. “Fuck off, get out and don’t come back” says the store owner. “That’s the one!” says the man

The FAA is reviewing the new Boeing Dreamliner… it might get thrown under the airbus.

I would have fucking loved to have been there when Mary and Joseph tried to explain to Jesus where babies come from.

What do you call a pair of crows? An attempted murder.