What is black and doesn’t work? Decaffeinated coffee.

What’s a moo hoo for a stuffed steer? A full bull!

My high must be wearing off, because that cop car that pulled me over 20 minutes ago is starting to look like a house with Christmas lights.

I really wish my boss would fall for the “but all my friends are allowed to be late to work” excuse.

What’s the resemblence between politics and sex? It can be in whatever position they choose, but regardless there’s still just gonna be a dick going in there, and you’re still getting fucked.

A neutron walks into a bar… A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. He asks the bartender how much it is. The bartender says “We don’t charge your type here!”

Why am I still hearing noises from the class? Because you still have ears, teacher.

Why did the Muslim CEO dislike the cartoon of Muhammad? Because it wasn’t prophet maximizing.

My ex said he would die for me. All I’m saying is, it was his suggestion.

Industrial robots How do industrial robots communicate with humans? They use a conveyor belt.