How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb should be willing to change.

Why don’t snakes like Vitamin C? Because it’s an anti-hisstamine.

Dear Sir/Madam, Your transgender operation has been a partial success.

Yo mama’s so fat… …she has to upgrade her data plan every time she sends a selfie.

His son asked him what gay meant. Son: Dad, what does gay mean? Dad: Happy son. It means happy. Son: Then are YOU gay DAD? Dad: No son…… i have a wife… EDIT: Damn this blew up. Thanks guys!

What do you get when you cash in your memes for karma? A dank statement.

What is the difference between San Francisco and Larkspur? Larkspur has a ferry terminal, San Francisco has terminal fairies.

RIP boiling water You will be mist. EDIT: AWESOME my gold cherry is gone!

My girlfriend spends every night in town, going from bar to bar. And she always f*cking finds me.

I need help with what pencil to buy… 2B or not 2B? That is the question.