My girlfriend asked me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt… So I fucked her twice and slapped her

when someone bumps into you, immediately say (loudly) “oh no my hot bod!”

Jaime Lannister Is Officially Known As The “KingSlayer” And Unofficially known as the “QueenLayer”

5-year-old: Why are we here? Me: Philosophers still don’t know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won’t ask for directions

There is a new Barbie doll on the market – Steamroller Barbie …doll squashed flat

How do you give a blonde two black eyes and a broken nose without touching her by waving your cock under a glass table

The Food Pyramid http://imgur.com/hugGqpi

What does Donald Trump call his penis? Little Marco

What’s the best thing about dating a homeless woman?… When ur done, u can drop her off anywhere.

Some people say I have my mom’s eyes… but since they can’t find them they’ve never been able to prove it in a court of law.