What do you call a French guy wearing sandals? Felipe Flop!

Always remember these 2 words in your life which will open many doors to you. Push and pull.

How did Jack know exactly where to find the goose in the giant’s castle? He had *bean stalking* her.

Shriek your Twitter name between songs at concerts and hope that it makes the live album.

Why don’t you see many chemists with master’s degrees working with acids and bases? To really understand acids and bases, you need a pHd.

Do you know what really gets my goat? El chupacabra

“But… I can fix us!” the rocket scientist sobbed, as his wife picked up her suitcase. “Jim,” she whispered. “This isn’t rocket science.”

I have spent the past year looking for my ex’s killer. but no one would do it.

Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are talking. Harry says, “Ron, I’m gay.” “Are you fucking serious?!” asks Ron. “Yeah…that too,” says Harry.

hot dogs were invented in 1936 by Larry Hotdogs when he accidentally dropped a bag of prize-winning pig assholes in his Dick Shaper Machine