If you get kissed by an alpaca it’s not the end of the world. It’s the alpaca-lips.

Did you hear about the terrorists who hijacked a plane of lawyers? They threatened to release one every hour til their demands were met.

What did the soldering iron say to the capacitor? Go flux yourself!

What do you call a Norse god after a workout? Thor

I just ended a 5 year relationship I’m fine, it wasn’t my relationship 😛

What do you say to piss off a british farmer? You’re a peon.

nsfw Why did the gay have sex with the lesbian? To get back at her girlfriend.

I followed this woman on a bike with an empty baby seat for a half a mile yelling, “your baby jumped out!” before she gave me the finger.

What’s the difference between Reddit and 4chan? One is a group of immature internet trolls….and the other thinks it isn’t.

HARRY JR: what do you see in the mirror of desire, papa HARRY SR: well if i look closely i see you mowing the lawn this morning like i asked