Why did the piglets get in trouble in their biology class? They ate all the specimens.

Have you seen that new film about a tractor? Me neither, just saw the trailer.

What’s the worst part about being a beaver? It’s a lot of dam work.

What does Pluto have up on Palestine? At least Pluto exists

TT: At sunday dinner I like to perform an impromptu puppet show with the roast chicken. This week it’s my interpretation of Die Hard 2.

Thinking about wearing Uggs this summer? Just remember that blonde girl in the movie ‘Taken’. She wore Uggs during the summer and died.

A local farmer just received an award from the city. It was for being outstanding in his field.

What do Will and Jaden Smith like about today? It’s After Earth Day.

Hey Facebook, I really don’t care that a friend of mine commented on someone else’s status or photo.

Stop giving me life advice, people who don’t know how crocodiles have sex.