Did you know that 50% of the Chinese have cataracts? The rest drive rincolns.

My mom just got me off of work early. I love when she comes by the office. *Literally just happened

Google Glass, for everyone who’s ever thought, “I like that browser so much, I want it on MY FACE”

Foreigners suck… They blatantly disregard the “i before e except after c” rule.

How do you reload a cardboard gun? With paper clips.

Did you know that 2 x 10 is the same 2 x 11 One is twenty and the other is twenty two.

ISSUE: is the road runner wile e coyote’s son FOR: thhey, seem to respect each other, on some level AGAINST: one of them is a dog

What’s Bernie Sanders’s favorite insurance company? Progressive *this just popped up in my head while in the shower. If already posted I apologize in advance*

What kind of bees make milk? Boo-bees ( . ) ( . )

[Jedi Academy] Why do you want to be Jedi? [Imagines using ‘the force’ to steal everyone’s cats and building a cat army] To keep the peace