When did 888 equal zero???? When Eight ate eight

What kind of file do you need to turn a 8mm hole into a 40mm hole? A pedophile

Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing zone in a swimming pool.

LOIS LANE: *pulls back from kissing* clark your glasses are hurting my nose can you take them off CLARK KENT: no

I don’t always give her an orgasm, but when I do.. She spits it back at me.

“Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?” “Go on then” “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” “That’s Superman” “Thanks, I’ve been practicing.”

Why do people from Finland who lack passports never win? …they can’t cross the Finnish line!

I came home from work and finally caught the filthy bitch red handed. So I asked my daughter to please wash her hands if she masturbates on her period.

If I had $10 for every time someone called me racist… Black people would rob me.

So Steven Hawking walks into a bar…