Yo Mama So Fat… …it took the Large Hadron Collider to weigh her atoms.

If you are wondering how many ketchup packets you can put in a Holiday Inn hot tub before people stop going in, the answer is 9.

I think it’s funny how I can sleep right through my blaring alarm clock but I’ll wake up to the slightest phantom vibrations from my phone.

A man walks into a bar…. …and spectacularly fails at Limbo.

Never take ecstasy with a squirrel named… hey, squirrel dude, what’s your name? Charles? Never take ecstasy with a squirrel named Charles.

Say what you want about Cannibals but they have a great taste in people.

I like my women like I like my wine… 18 years old and locked in my basement

“Brian did you remove some of the thread from your shirt logo?” Me: [clearly enjoying people calling me the Hug Boss] what? No probably not

What Do You Call an Epileptic in a Pile of Leaves? Russell

Today a cartoonist was found dead at home. Details are sketchy.