What’s invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit Farts

What song would Kendrick Lamar sing if he was Native American? “Bitch don’t kill my tribe.”

EXPLORER 1: *looking at ancient symbols in pyramid* It says “Here lies updog” EXPLORER 2: What’s updog? EGYPTIAN SPIRITS: Lol

Riding a horse can be difficult. You could always choose to ride a mule instead… but that would be half-assed.

What do gay cow’s eat? Hayyyyyyy

I had the left side of my body cut off… But I’m all right. EDIT: I just realize that whether the left was cut from the right or the right from the left is a matter of sincere argument.

[job interview] “Tell me one of your long term goals” Sleeping “No, I meant-” *leans in way too close* My answer isn’t going to change

The owl knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a toostie-roll-pop. Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a 5,000 pound boulder.

How do you weigh a hipster? In Instragramm

When a necrophiliac goes to a funeral… He gets mourning wood.