Socialism jokes are only funny… …if everybody gets them.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.

Why did the vacuum get a raise? Because it sucked at its job.

*robs craft store with hot glue gun*

10 years ago parents were like “be careful what you put on the web” and we were all “lol. old people.” now none of us can ever be President.

There is no way Hollywood could remake Scream for millennials because, none of them would answer the phone.

Funny one liner: My dick is so big that my girlfriend use it as a selfie stick My dick is so big that my girlfriend use it as a selfie stick

Why is Edward still in Russia? He’s Snowden.

How do you tell a male chromosome from a female chromosome? You pull down its genes!

One of the rudest things you can do is make eye contact with someone eating McDonald’s in their car.