What grey has a wand huge wings and gives money to elephants ? The tusk fairy !

I’m a spitting image of Ryan Gosling. Like if Ryan Gosling were to spit and look at his reflection in it, that would be me.

What do you call 32 white people locked in a closet? A captive Cherokee.

I finally got my hands on a sign language translator. It comes in really handy.

Vladimir Putin’s Anthem Q. What is Russia’s current Anthem? A. “Putin on the Blitz”

If a hipster falls in the forest and no one’s around to hear it does it make a sound? Yeah, but you’ve probably never heard it

I am the worst writer in the world until I finish writing, at which point I immediately become a goddamn genius. This is relatable content.

Did you know you can tell what kind of area you’re driving in by the bumps in the road? A few big bumps means you should probably slow down. Lots of little bumps means you’re in a school zone.

Two guys are talking in a bar… About their wives. The first man proudly tells the other ‘”My wife’s an angel!” to which the other man replies, “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

I recently bought some shoes from a drug dealer… I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.