Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You hit her

When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.

Best Hitler Joke That I’ve Heard Me: “Hitler Killed 5 million Jews and a Penguin.” Friend: “What? A Penguin?” Me: “See, no one wants to know about the Jews.”

What is the smallest part of a little person? Their wee-knees!

Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines!

Say what you want about paedophiles… … at least they drive slowly through school zones.

I had sex with your mom A sandwich

I like my woman like I like my coffee Served at 160F.

*posts selfie with full makeup and 3 filters* Caption: I’m so sick, I feel like dog crap & I look sooooo gross