You know how I can prove Jesus wasn’t black? Because the body of Christ was a cracker!

What’s the definition of relative humidity? The sweat that accumulates under your balls when you’re fucking you’re sister.

Being a stripper is like working at McDonald’s…. Covered in oil and questioning your choices after high school.

what’s the difference between a pitbull and a jewish broad? a pitbull will eventually let it go

If you buy orange juice with “Some Pulp,” it’s time to pick a side.

How do you know when you are too drunk to drive? When you swerve to miss a tree and then realise it was your air freshener..

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

*looks up from phone* Great, I’m inside of a coffin again.

Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

Oh, you used “whom” in casual conversation. Well, I didn’t realize I was in the presence of William Fucking Shakespeare.