What is Mary short for? She has no legs

Why don’t women need drivers licenses Because there is no road from the kitchen to the bedroom

Knock Knock Who’s there ! Athena ! Athena who ? Athena reindeer landing on your roof !

Unemployment jokes aren’t funny They just don’t work

What do you call two gay Irishmen? Michael Fitzpatrick…and Patrick Fitzmichael

What do you call a broken boomerang? A stick

I’ll never forget what my grandmother said to me right before she passed away. She said to me *”What are you doing?!?”*

Good news, you survived the horrific car crash. Sadly we couldn’t find the other guy’s arms but we managed to reattach all four of yours

My girlfriend spends all her money on expensive perfumes.. I feel like she has no common scents.

The longer you sleep the more sleep you need. The more you eat the bigger is your appetite.