Old age is nothing but a computer with 1000 GB of memory running on a celeron processor

I make the Transformers sound when I change into sweatpants.

Why was 7 afraid of 8? Because 8 nined 10.

Ever have sex while camping? It’s fucking in tents!

My friend texts “ur” instead of “you’re” but puts extra letters in “so” because she’s “soooo happy.” This is why everyone hates you, Julie.

Wanna get together and test the spring potential of my mattress?

My iPhone’s device name is “Titanic”. It’s syncing.

Why did the cancer patient get smacked? His hand was bigger than his face.

Did you hear about Instagram, the weed delivery service? nm was thinking of Instantgram

A large amount of stormtroopers walk into a bar and orders drinks They all miss the free shots.