Why are the twin towers and genders so similar? Because there used to be 2 of them, but it’s offensive to joke about that now.

It’s crazy how much stuff there is to do on my phone when sitting at a restaurant alone.

What do the lady reindeer do on Christmas eve? They hit the town and blow a few bucks.

My dog ate a bunch of Scrabble tiles and now I gotta follow him around the yard because it’s his turn

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish… And you are missing out on a lucrative business opportunity.

Really Cosmo? 50 tips on how to make your guy h0rny? What the f^ck are the 49 things after “touch his p*nis

What’s the difference between a washing machine and your mom? The last time I dumped a load into the washing machine, she didn’t follow me around for a week!

You had me at- well, you’re breathing and female. That’s about the point you had me.

A cat eats a slice of swiss cheese… and sits by the mousetrap with baited breath.

Do you know what 6.9 is? A good thing screwed up by a period.