Apparently 1 in 7 people in the world are Chinese. That means it’s either me, my mum, dad, brother Steve, brother Craig, sister hanna, or brother huangxi. I suspect Craig.

You should skydive without a parachute. It’s a once in a lifetime experience.

What’s the difference between erotic and kinky ? Erotic is when you use a feather; kinky is when you use a whole chicken.

The most difficult part about taking a personality test is deciding which personality should take it.

Apparently there’s enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot.

Men need to stop looking at women as sex objects… They can also cook and clean!

What shoes do Ninjas wear? Sneakers!

Sir? the table of hot ladies over there wanted to know what song you were drumming on the bar. they said it seemed very fast and impressive.

How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it

What do you call a cow that gets an abortion? De-calf-inated