[no spoiler] Why is the BB unit droid not hungry? Because BB-8

Doctor, how long do I have left to live? – Ten. – Ten what? – Nine.

On which side of the road do you drive? -Left. -Well, that doesn’t sound right.

actors kiss each other for like 7 seasons and don’t fall in love but when someone holds the door for me i think about it for like 4 months

Once you stop doing functional programming… You never return

I’m kind of scared. So, last week I swallowed an ice cube whole and I haven’t pooped it out yet. I’m getting kinda worried, should I go see a doctor or nah?

Drown that bastard! No mercy! Nana please… this is a baptism.

[Calling concert venues across the country] Hi yes, I’m just calling to let you know that on your website you spelled “weekend” incorrectly

Born too late to explore the earth, born too early to explore the Galaxy… …born too ugly to explore a woman.

Me: I love you Wife: I will testify against you if required